A Matter of Muse

Our Argument.

2011-07-04T20:27:00.004Z

Wicked you are with muse

Who knew you had the power to vex.

Bring me your stone eyes.

Abstain from sex.

Viciously quiet you are

Injecting me with shame.

The torture is the stillness.

The conditions of the game.

Come and lay you seething mass with mine.

Answer every servile comment with “fine, fine”.

2010-12-29T19:07:00.003Z

Tell me when I am still young

What I have done wrong.

Tell me of the shame I've earned.

Sing it like a song.

Weight it up and look ahead,

And with this fleeting foresight,

Say out loud what I want,

And learn to put it right.

2010-12-29T19:05:00.001Z

“It looked like a small broach”, you said,

Encircling your fingers and looking through.

When as a child you’d coughed up a sweet

That very nearly ended you.

Your mother whacked you on the back.

The item careered through BHS.

A piece of hot-pink confectionary,

Landed on a lady’s dress.

You told the anecdote so well.

I imagined you in mid-near-death.

Panicked amongst the cream silk blouses

Until the whack made way for breath.

With the ordeal over and dress removed,

The shop assistant mimed “it’s ok.”.

It didn’t put you off sweets at all.

You dice with hard-boiled ‘til this day.

2009-06-28T10:28:00.000Z

Our new day-glow orange shower curtain
Casts an inappropriately erotic light over the bathroom.
I get in the shower, feeling like I should tuck a fiver into its folds.

The curtain clings to my leg, climbing its way up.
It has decided to make love to me,
This erotic shower curtain.

I cannot go through with it, I peel it off me
Push it away.
“Filth curtain”, I say.
I shave my armpits in the awkward silence.

2009-06-28T10:03:00.003Z

My Dirty Beauty

Himalayas of crispy clothing,
The scenery of your room.
A baked-in smell of chiropody.
Flowerbeds of mould, in bloom.
A Kitkat packet between the toes.
Spoons and bowls, married together.
Brown stains at home on every wall
As if each one had been there forever.

Snot-encrusted toilet paper.
Cups of fudge, once cups of tea.
But through it all I just see you,
My very Dirty Beauty.

For Lewis

Misery

2007-11-05T17:05:00.003Z

Misery cracks through my frozen bones.
It dances on my see-through skin.
It crushes upon this moments breath,
Until it cowers and crawls back in.
Misery weds it’s purpose to my own.
It’s very concept is my heart.
It is the nightmare of my bitter senses.
It mocks my shaky words before they even start.
Misery looks down on us from its high tower.
It’s siren of destruction loud and shrill.
Misery grows with us forgetting, so remember,
Tomorrow will be better, yes it will.

2007-07-29T17:22:00.000Z

Custom make me with your brand new touch.
Make me sure and bold but not too much.
Twist my every doubt back into knowing.
And never let me feel an ounce of owing.
Cast my worries into sand.
Bring my temper back to land.
Encourage my dreams to stand up proud.
Tempt my feelings to speak out loud.
Flush my heart simply by living.
Change my selfishness to giving.
Tease my smile into sight.
And for love, teach me to fight.
All this and more you do for me.
This is how love should be.

2006-10-29T13:40:00.001Z

I must have been intoxicated
when I promised I as yours.
I must have been asleep
when I committed.
For I simply can’t remember
when I sank into you claws,
Or when I wore the jacket
you had fitted.
I didn’t even realise
what a contract I had signed,
Nor notice the cool shackles
on my skin.
I put away my doubts,
about the bliss you had designed.
But now I see the shit
that I am in.

2006-06-03T11:02:00.000Z

True love will still wank off to someone else.
True love will still hide porn under the mattress.
True love will still lie about your arse.
True love will still hold firm that you’re a goddess.
True love will still allow a little flirting.
True love will still warm to memories past.
True love will still sweat through the verbal skirting.
True love will kid themselves that it will last.

2006-05-16T21:10:00.001Z

I know that this is closure,
It’s clear as day to read.
I’m telling you it’s closure,
But you threaten that you’ll bleed.
I can’t remember what you’re like.
Indifference, on its way.
You say that I’m dramatic.
You finish what I say.
No laughing with each other now.
Our tone of voices low.
Feeling strangely old and bored.
Our text replies so slow.
You projects have you day and night.
Months and months go by.
Our sparkless interest fizzles out.
I know exactly why.
Tonight again, I sew together
Emotional invention.
You ring me when you’re feeling bad,
I sip my forced attention.
Half arsed invite on the phone.
A shyness starts to grow.
I do not know you anymore.
Want you to let me go.

Demon

2006-04-24T18:17:00.001Z

I was introduced to my demon.
It was knocking loudly on my door.
It was again a dark, late night.
Yet this time I opened and It I saw.
I was introduced to my demon.
It came in such bizarre a form.
I thought of my immediate fears,
That now sat with me in my dorm.
No hand to shake, nor eyes to meet.
It was the strangest rendezvous.
I drew my breath to gather strength,
And then I began to undress you.

Tits

2006-03-12T22:08:00.000Z

I wish there were no tits in the world.
They’re such a half measure.
They’re a sexual piece on every girl,
And are clearly used for pleasure.
The problem is, is isn’t fair.
What about us girls?
I want to see some hairy balls
In the pages of New of the World.
Even though they’re not that great,
And I think we’d prefer pecks.
I think it is the least we can do
To even out the sex.
It really is quite cheeky now.
That tits are on display.
And even though their common place,
They still not yet passé.
I think I’d rather there were none,
Than some defining gender,
As dump sexual animal scum,
That happen to be busty and slender.
My god we’re more than just these tits!
Pages Threes, are traitors to the cause.
Apart from having other bits,
We’re part of a far more intelligent clause.
And if the world can’t be this way.
Then lads, lets make it fair.
Get your sodding balls out,
And have a camera there.

Liver's Limbo

2006-02-27T02:31:00.000Z

I’m tired of thinking what to say.
Tired of laughing when nothing’s funny.
I’m tired of feeling far away.
Tired of texting ‘I love you honey’.
Here I am in liver’s limbo.
Empty time has slipped away.
Looking out the bird-shit window,
Thinking still of what to say.

I know myself too well to care.
I wake up with me everyday.
There’s so much fun to have out there,
But I stay in with “Boo-Hurray”.
Here I am in liver’s limbo.
Going nowhere good today.
Maybe I should start up bingo.
Maybe I should drink my face numb.

Open Up Your Heavy Head

2005-11-24T12:52:00.000Z

Open up your heavy head,
And let me take the weight instead.
Let you sleep and drink some tea.
Leave every worry up to me.
Trust me when I say I care,
Even when I’m off somewhere.
Have me ears to talk into.
I hope to God they comfort you.
Pardon every tasteless joke,
Or shocking thought that makes me choke.
Feel not conscious to return,
For receiving would make fingers burn.
I will smile everyday,
In hope to take the pain away.
I would cut and I would bleed,
For anything that you may need.
I will suffer all you know,
And Pain would shake, with fear to grow.
Think never that you should not be,
For you are everything to me.

2005-11-07T13:02:00.000Z

I'm fighting an "Anonymous".
You're not my greatest fan.
You type away in the comments box
Unfair words, when you can.
Too ashamed to leave your name,
Yet like to leave insults.
I wonder if you'd have the guts
To let me judge your faults.
But no, you wouldn't dare,
For it's likely I would mock.
Nevermind "Anonymous".
I think you're a fucking cock.

King

2005-05-15T16:01:00.001Z

You are so beautiful I cannot write how
And I surrender to the failure of words.
You are such a keen muse by your stride and look.
Yet never allow any dignity to fall from your mystery.
You are a majesty of mercy but not of patience.
So walk away and lick your bum somewhere.

Hearts Were Hearts

2005-04-08T11:28:00.001Z

If hearts were hearts,
And heads were heads,
And hands were true to other,
Then who would hold my fickle hand,
In replacement of another?
If eyes were lips,
And looks were words,
How would my feelings hide?
For every time I’ve told him love,
I’ve lied and lied and lied.

Lust

2005-03-28T14:04:00.000Z

I think I have fallen in lust.
Yeah I’ve fallen in lust alright.
My heart was an absolute dusk,
That now has burst into light.

Crush

2005-03-22T08:59:00.000Z

I am going to think about you
Until my face turns navy blue.
And maybe when I’m all thought out
My crush on you will harbour doubt.
But since this morning, my mind engaged
And heart with adrenalin enraged,
I have but thought of nothing more
Than the thing I thought about before.
Because no matter what I do,
I just can’t stop thinking about you!

You treat me like a paving slab,
(I think I need crush rehab)
And swallow up the words I say
As if they’re getting in your way.
You look at me as past or litter!
Jesus Christ! That makes me bitter.
But still I melt to speechless state,
Once shagging you I contemplate.
So maybe being used by you
Is why I’m here (near navy blue)
But still I cannot hate you for it,
In fact I rather do adore it.
So use me, abuse me, treat me wrong,
Play with my agony and lead me on.
Give me that fiery hormonal rush
And continue to be my loyal crush.

Burnt

2005-03-15T19:16:00.000Z

When did I ask this heart to wed
This brutal feeling, from which it bled?,
And such a throb that had occurred
That to the depth of mind it stirred.
To still this day I toss and turn.
And oh my heart so hates to burn.
Yet walls I brick to soften fate,
Are useless and are far too late.
Have ever I so broken heart,
That even thoughts from head depart.
And now so lonely do I sit,
That have no love to hate a bit.

God! I Hate People At Airports

2005-03-15T19:11:00.000Z

God! I hate people at airports.
They rush to be first on the plane.
Then they stand in a queue
With nothing to do
But wait to be seated again.

God! I hate people on planes.
They spend hours rearranging their stuff.
They stand still in the lane
Only then to complain
That people are not quick enough.

God! I hate kids sat behind me.
Flying must be an exciting fad.
‘cause they kick at my seat
‘till the journey's complete.
I think that I’m going to go mad.

Grapes

2005-03-09T19:24:00.000Z

Isn’t it lucky how grapes
Are filled with tasty sweet juice.
Which otherwise could be filled
With any sort of horrid liquid profuse.
I like to pierce them with my back
Teeth and then chew.
And I think how glad I am
That they’re not filled with poo.

(I was on the motorway. Grapes were my only inspiration)

Harry's Belt Has Broken

2005-03-09T19:22:00.001Z

Harry’s belt has broken,
His was his favourite one.
One minute it was round his waist,
Then next, the buckle’d gone!
His jeans felt suddenly baggy
And Harry’s bits felt loose,
And when he realised it had broke
He cried. It was no use.

Oh belt that was so loyal,
Why did u have to break!
No other belt will ever do,
Our hearts forever ache.

A Beach's Concubine

2005-03-09T19:10:00.000Z

I am this Beach’s concubine.
That wonders in His sands.
A slave, I am, to every grain
That marries to my hands.

I am this Beach’s concubine.
That strides out to His Sea.
A slave, I am, to every wave
That crashes into me.

I am this Beach’s concubine.
That stares out at His view.
A slave, I am, to every sight
That catches me anew.

I wrote this poem on a beautiful, deserted Beach in Ko Pha Ngan, Thailand, where I literally was at the mercy of its stunning views.

Somebody

2005-03-05T19:14:00.002Z

Somebody pressure the tip and cut me.
Somebody scream and interrupt me.
Somebody say I’m a door and shut me,
For I’m too tired to move.

Somebody tighten the fists and break me.
Somebody lower the head and forsake me.
Somebody start up the car and take me,
For I’ve got nothing to prove.

Somebody beat at the bush and bleed me.
Somebody take who I am and be me.
Somebody wrap up the words and free me,
For words are nothing to use.

Somebody force at the will and correct me,
Somebody think that it wouldn’t affect me.
Somebody, please, come and protect me,
For I’m so scared that I’ll lose.

Colourful Divide

2005-03-01T21:47:00.000Z

Am I in such a world that cannot be?
That cannot understand a peace of mind?
Am I in such a place that conquers all the thoughts of Me?
That fails to conquer what is left behind?
And such an absolute it cannot falter,
And cannot see the colour of divide?
And what should hide this power but the Altar
And the politics and laws we must abide.
Am I such an incomplete that I am muted?
Am I such a body that I am not seen?
And so material and arrogance disputed,
By characters compassionless and keen.
Am I in such a world with no attention.
That makes a life within it a survival.
Which shamefully is of its own invention.
And fearfully is far from a revival.

Sometimes I fall into that 'Oh God, what an awful world we live in' feeling so this one is
about being frustrated with it all and a mild desire to become a hippie.

Catholic 26

2005-03-01T21:42:00.002Z

So proud are you that you cannot state your fault?
So high and mighty fair and logic halt?
So absolute that body tastes of bread.
So self-defeating reason’s put to bed.
Embrace your fear and your punishment.
Deny man’s nature with the weeks of Lent.
(yet wallow in the agony of tempt)
Know no God, until you die unsinned.
Yet if it’s so no man knew God as friend.
You praise the gift he made from dust.
Yet to forsake not what you must.
You praise His name for what was good.
Yet to forsake not what you should.

So proud are you that none but you know God.
So high and mighty you escape His rod.
So absolutely that no more you entice.
So self-defeating you fail to see the price.
Oh life of waste! A suicide from Word.
That gave up life, for something so absurd.
(there is a song called life you have not heard)
Know no God, for you will die alone.
But be not sad, happiness is life’s own.
You worship Fate and not His name.
Yet truly you were not to blame.
It’s strange how stories do succeed.
Just be careful what you read.

17

2005-03-01T21:30:00.000Z

Weren’t we just like when we were in love?
When sex was in each kiss and look and touch.
And no words were needed to say how much I loved you,
For no words could ever tell you just how much.
We lay intertwined with each other,
Wanting but not needing more than this.
Every look so cared for, every touch so soft,
And falling more in love with every kiss.
Weren’t we just like when we were in love.
Beautiful as such a perfect two.
And now were here all over again, in love,
And as you’re loving me, I’m loving you.